Autodidact: self-taught


Masters of Horror Reviews Part 4

by V. L. Craven

Master of Horror Wallpaper

If you’re just joining us in the reviews of the Masters of Horror series, you may catch up by reading series one: part one , part two , part three .

And now we begin Series Two…

The Damned Thing (Tobe Hooper): One evening, a young boy witnesses his normally mind-mannered father shoot and kill his mother and then come after him. His father his then disemboweled in a rather spectacular fashion in front of him by some unknown force. Many years later, that little boy is the sheriff of his town and the locals are once again beginning to exhibit erratic, homicidal behaviour. He begins trying to save the town and his family from the supernatural evil, but it starts to take him over. High marks on the gore. Probably the only time you’ll see someone commit suicide with a hammer. Based on a short story by Ambrose Bierce . It was fine for supernatural, unexplained evil, nothing new to see. 7/10.

MoH The Damned Thing

Go back to the South Pole! Wait, wrong movie…

Family (John Landis): George Wendt is your average, suburban psychopath, living the dream, dissolving the skin off corpses and sitting them in your living room for company, as you do. Then a young couple moves in. The husband is an ER physician, the wife an investigative journalist. After a few drinks one evening, they knock over Wendt’s postbox and, the next day, when they go to apologise, they sit down to coffee and the wife begins making overt sexual advances (or so he thinks). The couple has Wendt over for dinner one night, when he learns they had a child who died from cancer–he suspects there’s more going on with them than meets the eye, though. He’s right. Typical Landis, it’s freakin’ hilarious–even more so than his offering in the first series, Deer Woman. Loved this one so very much. 10/10.

MoH Family

We’ve been on the Atkins diet for six months!

The V Word (Ernest Dickerson): Two teenager boys decide to break into a mortuary to see a dead body. They get their wish times about a hundred. A third of this is the two boys wandering around the funeral home in the dark, whispering to each other. Once things begin to get interesting the music turns into a sort of eighties synth deal, which I’m not sure was meant to be a spoof or not. One of the kids is killed by a vampire and the other one can’t get anyone to take him seriously (a common problem in horror films). But friendship dies hard, bro. There are some fairly funny lines in this one, but it still dragged and was predictable in many ways. During the mortuary scene I kept expecting Laurence Fishburne to be waiting around a corner to tell them scary stories. 6/10

MoH The V Word

The call is coming from inside the house! JK, vampires don’t use phones.

Sounds Like (Brad Anderson): A supervisor in a call centre develops superhuman hearing after the death of his young son. Every tiny sound is magnified to the nth degree, which he finds to be increasingly stressful. His performance at work suffers and he is reprimanded, then he’s gesture of friendship towards a subordinate is rebuffed. One thing after another is piled upon him.  Bombarded by noise, he tries to find one place he can be free from the cacophony of life. Not an enormous amount of gore in this one, but the end was predictable. Based on a short story by Mike O’Driscoll. 6/10

MoH Sounds Like

Pipe down, this my jam, yo.

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