Never Be Lied to Again by David J. Leiberman
-001- ‘How many legs would a sheep have if you called its tail a leg?’ ‘Four,’ explained Lincoln. ‘Because calling its tail a leg doesn’t make it one.’
-002- He that has eyes to see and ears to hear may convince himself that no mortal can keep a secret. If his lips are silent, he chatters with his fingertips; betrayal oozes out of him at every pore. – Freud
-003- Watch for what is known as the initial reaction expression (IRE). This is an initial expression of true feelings that may last for less than a second, just until the person you are observing has a chance to make them. Even if you can’t read the fleeting expression, the fact that it has changed is reason enough to suspect that the emotion you are currently seeing is false.
-004- EYES: No or little direct eye contact is a classic sign of deception. A person who is lying to you will do everything to avoid making eye contact. Unconsciously he feels you will be able to see through him—via his eyes. … Conversely, when we tell the truth or we’re offended by a false accusation, we tend to give our full focus and have fixed concentration.
-001- When someone is lying of keeping something in, he tends to be less expressive with his hands or arms. … Fingers may be folded into the hands; full extension of the fingers is usually a gesture of openness. … If you ask someone a question and her hands clench or go palm down, this is a sign of defensiveness and withdrawal. If she is genuinely confused at the accusations or the line of questioning, her hands turn palm up as if to say “Give me more information: I do not understand’ or ‘I have nothing to hide.’
-002- When a person sits with his legs and arms close to his body, perhaps crossed but not outstretched, he is evincing the thought I’m keeping something in. His arms and legs may be crossed because he feels he must defend himself. When we feel comfortable and confident we tend to stretch out—claim our space, as it were. When we feel less secure, we take up less physical space and fold our arms and legs into our body, into what is almost a fetal position.
-003- [Artificial Movements] Physical expression will be limited, with few arm and hand movements. What arm and hand movements are present will seem stiff and mechanical. Hands, arms, and legs pull in toward the body; the individual takes up less space.
-004- If her hand goes straight to her face while she is responding to a question or when she is making a statement, this is often an indication of deceit. Her hand may cover her mouth while she is speaking.
-005- When she is listening she covers or touches her face as an unconscious manifestations of the thought I really don’t want to be listening to this. Touching the nose is also considered to be a sign of deception, as well as scratching behind or on the side of the ear or rubbing the eyes. … This should not be confused with the posture associated with deep thought, which usually conveys concentration and attention.
-006- Hands may go to face or throat. But contact with his body is limited to these areas. Also unlikely to touch his chest with an open hand gesture.
-007- The shrugging of one’s shoulders is a gesture that usually indicates ignorance or indifference: ‘I don’t know’ or ‘I don’t care.’ … if this gesture is fleeting—if you catch only a glimpse of it—it’s a sign of something else. This person is trying to demonstrate that she is casual and relaxed about her answer, when in fact she really isn’t.
-008- TIMING: If the person’s head begins to shake in a confirming direction before or as the words come out, this is a good indication that he is telling the truth. However, if he shakes his head after the point is made, he may be trying to demonstrate conviction, but because it’s a contrived movement—one not based on emotion—the timing is off.
Also look for hand and arm movements that punctuate a point after it’s been made. The gesture looks like an after-thought because that’s what it is. He wants to get his words out fast but realizes that maybe he should look really mad and play the part. Additionally, hand and arm movements will not only start late but will seem mechanical and won’t coincide with verbal punctuation.
Also, someone who believes in his words will be inclined to move his head on important syllables to drive home a point. Whether up and down or side to side, the bead movement is supposed to punctuate particular points and ideas.
-009- EMOTION CONNECTION: A response that’s not genuine is not spontaneous; therefore, there is a slight delay in the onset of false emotion. The duration of the emotion is also off: The response goes on longer than it would in the case of genuine emotion.
-010- Expression will be limited to the mouth area when the person is feigning certain emotions—happiness, surprise, awe and so on.
-011- It’s widely believed that when we are wrongfully accused we become defensive. In fact, generally speaking, only a guilty person gets defensive. Someone who is innocent will usually go on the offensive.
-012- If someone is uttering or listening to a message that makes her uncomfortable, her head may shift away from the one she is talking to. … If she is comfortable with her position and secure in her actions, she will move her head toward the other person in an attempt to get closer to the source of information. Watch for an immediate and pronounced jerking of the head or a slow deliberate withdrawal.
This action is very different form—and should not be confused with—a slight tilt of the head to the side. This occurs when we hear something of interest. It’s considered to be a vulnerable pose and would not be adopted by a person with something to hide.
-013- POSTURE OF A LIAR: When a person feels confident about a situation and conversation, he stands erect or sits up straight. This behaviour also indicates how people feel about themselves in general. Those who are secure and confident stand tall, with shoulders back. Those who are insecure or unsure of themselves often stand hunched over, with their hands in their pockets.
Studies have shown that the best way to avoid being mugged is to walk briskly, with your head up and your arms moving. Such a style of moving conveys confidence. A conversation that produces feelings of confidence or those of insecurity will produce the concomitant physical posture.
-014- When we feel passionate about our ideas, in an attempt to persuade the other person, we move toward him. The liar is reluctant to move toward or even face the source of the threat. She turns sideways or completely away and rarely stands squared off. The face-to-face demeanour is reserved for the person who seeks to refute a slanderous statement. This is not the case when there’s deceit.
Also look for a movement in the direction of the exit. Feeling uncomfortable, she may angle her body or actually move toward the exit. While standing she may position her back to the wall. Her psychological exposure causes her to seek physical refuge. Feeling verbally ambushed, she wants to make sure that she can see what’s coming next. Those who are confident and comfortable don’t mind taking centre stage.
-015- The person who is being deceitful will have little or no physical contact with the one he is talking to. This is an excellent and quite reliable indicator. While making a false statement or during a conversation containing one, the liar will rarely touch the other person. Touch indicates psychological connection; it’s used when we believe strongly in what we’re saying.
-016- Someone who is lying or hiding something rarely points a finger, either at others or straight up in the air. Finger pointing indicates conviction and authority as well as emphasis.
-017- See if he uses inanimate objects—a pillow, a drinking glass, anything—to form a barrier between you and him. How comfortable someone is with a particular topic can be readily seen in how open he is to discussing it. Placing a physical barrier between you and him is the verbal equivalent of ‘I don’t want to talk about it,’ indicating deception or covert intention.
-018- Because he is caught off guard, he replies using the other person’s words, but in the negative. Making a positive statement negative is the fastest way to get the words out. For example, an aggrieved spouse asks, ‘Did you cheat on me?’ The liar answers, ‘No, I didn’t cheat on you.’
-019- …above all else, the guilty wants to get his answer out fast. Any delay makes him feel like he appears more guilty. And to the guilty every second that passes seems like an eternity. Skilled interviewers and interrogators know the following rule concerning contractions. When a suspect uses a contraction–’It wasn’t me’ instead of ‘It was not me’–statistically speaking, there is a 60 percent chance he’s being truthful. Sometimes the guilty, in an attempt to sound emphatic, don’t want to use a contraction in their statement of innocence; they want to emphasize the not.
-020- A person speaking the truth is not concerned about whether you misunderstand him; he is always willing to clarify. The liar wants to be sure that you understand his point immediately so that he can change the subject and no further questions will be asked. When his evidence is fragile, the words he uses are bold and solid, to compensate. For example, asked if he ever cheated on a test in law school, Peter might respond with, ‘I’m pretty sure I never did.’ If he had and wanted to convince someone to the contrary, his response is likely to be more definitive, ‘No, I would never cheat on a test.’
-021- Sometimes people who adamantly assert an opinion or view don’t even hold it themselves. If they were confident in their thinking, they would not feel a need to compensate. If someone says right up front that he positively won’t budge, it means one thing: He knows he can be swayed. He needs to tell you this so you won’t ask, because he knows he’ll cave in.
Ironically, the confident person will use phrases like, ‘I’m sorry, this is pretty much the best we can do’ or ‘I’m afraid there’s not a whole lot of room for negotiation here.’ This person’s words provide comfort for his opponent, not a shield for himself.
-022- When a person is asked a question, if he responds with an answer that depersonalizes and globalizes the question, be aware. Let’s say you ask someone, ‘Were you honest with me about our conversation yesterday?’ Watch out if you get a reply like, ‘Of course I was. I would never lie to you. You know how I feel about lying.’
-023- To sound more emphatic, a liar offers abstract assurances as evidence of his innocence in a specific instance. In his mind the evidence doesn’t weigh favourably for him, so he brings In his fictitious belief system to back him up.
-024- When you’re uncomfortable, silence adds to your discomfort. … The guilty are uncomfortable with silence.
-025- When someone is asked a question, take notice if he continues to add more information without being prodded. … He’ll continue to adding new facts until you respond, thus letting him know he’s convinced you.