mmmm silky smooooth… you smell so gooood… it’s like a compulsion… I can’t stop touching you, baby… Even when I’m touching another, I think of you and how they don’t compare…

Everyone remembers their first time. You know…the first time you touched a book and thought, ‘Damn, that feels good!’

I still remember one such book, Michael Cox’s The Meaning of Night . Baby, the paper was fiiiiii-IIIIINE! I’d find myself lightly stroking the pages if my fingertips.

Some books just feel good in your hand (don’t go there, people). The weight, you know? They feel solid. Dorothy Dunnet books and the A.S. Byatt quartet (all by Vintage) are the same way. At one point, we had Possession on display in the bookshop I worked at and I’d periodically pick it up and molest it. Between you and me, I think it liked it.

The cover for Meaning of Night felt good, too. It was an ARC, but I’m guessing the actual dust wrapper was textured the same way. It felt like handmade paper. Nice. *grope grope*

Then there’s the smell. Old paper can smell great. I can’t find the link for it right now, but there’s a company that makes book scented candles. They’re out of my price range, and I can just stick my face in a book any time I want, but I love that someone had to figure out how to make something other than books smell like books. What next–books body wash? Can I smell like my favourite font? ‘Oh, honey! Century Schoolbook by Serif! How did you know?!’

I was thirteen the first time I was with someone who got a new book and immediately smelled the gutter (where the book meets the spine/where the crumbs fall when you’re reading and eating). She then beamed and said, ‘I LOVE the way books smell, don’t you?’

I’d thought I was the only one. After that I was no longer ashamed of smelling the books, which is much better than smelling the roses, if you ask me. Not nearly as much danger of bee stings, for one thing.

They say petting an animal lowers blood pressure. I bet petting a book can have the same effect. Caressing something that feels nice can take your mind off other things, right? So put on the Barry White and fondle a book today! You know…for your health!

[This post has been rated 15 for audiences in Great Britain and Ireland and PG13 in North America for suggestive content.]