I’ve been applying for jobs lately and decided to see what HR would see if they put my name and ‘blog’ into Google. I used a service called Scroogle , though, as Google leaves cookies on your computer and will show different results than what a complete stranger would see.

Well… um… There are several hits with my name, but of the first 100 results I’m … none of them.

However, the first few are from an American emo who writes about cutting herself and generally mopes around. Another is one of the top reviewers on Amazon.co.uk and has terrible taste in books. And my absolute favourite is the American writer who writes historical romance with a paranormal twist. And she’s published with a company that takes its name from an Edgar Allan Poe story. Which is something that would happen in a modern story… The writer discovers she’s been writing atrocious fiction in her sleep! Then reading and reviewing awful books on Amazon.uk!

Unable to cope with the idea that she’s been recommending and writing books that should be used as emergency toilet roll, she tops herself.

Then it’s revealed that she’s been driven insane by her guilt about putting off her own writing in order to work for The Man.

There’s another website that’s home to an ongoing fiction piece with a character that has my name. Do I need to say that it’s [checks words not yet used] horrendous? It has illustrations that look like they come from the Sims.

The only saving grace is that I share a name with an editor with a major publishing house.